Love Yourself

For my entire life, I have searched for love. I have always felt what I was looking for was just out of my reach. Surely, if I just loved harder, communicated better, or found a "better" partner, I would find love returned to me as I needed it. When I have failed to tangibly grasp this intangible thing called "love"...I have crashed. I have believed at times I would die without it. I have stayed longer than I should have or given more than should have ever been expected to for fear that I had much more to lose leaving.

I've read CoDependent No More. Prayed endlessly. Gone to therapy. Meditated. Read more. Written. Cried. Exhausted myself...and slowly died inside constantly running after something I just could not ever quite seem to keep ahold of long enough to find security in.

Then, on a random night, at 27 years old, with no one around to sound the alarm on the greatest discovery of my life...I quietly, in one tiny moment in space and time, realized I found it...the love is in me. All these years I have spent dying to be loved, instead of finding the strength within to look at myself in the mirror and realize I am love. I deserve someone who sees the love in me. Who sees it shine inspite of my human frailty and fears. Who brings me back from my own self-condemnation to tell me how I'm none of the terrible things I may feel about myself. Even more than deserving someone that spectacular, I finally am beginning to see that I have to believe it about myself. I don't need others to affirm my giving spirit, my honest heart, my faithful friendship, or my pure intentions.

Maybe none of you can relate. Maybe you have always been blessed and healthy enough to only allow people in your life who see the goodness in you and ignite it deeper. That is not my story until now. My spirit, heart, friendship, and intentions have been beaten down in ways that are unspeakable, in ways that I hope to one day heal from completely. I have a long way to go in this journey called self-love...but just the taste of it, the empowerment of it, the wholeness in it, is keeping tears from flooding my eyes tonight. Finally...relief is coming. I never imagined it'd be in my own reflection staring back at me.

Be Still

Many years ago, a dear friend of mine took and shook my soul while we were on vacation together. She started to speak and because of the nature of my love for her, every word out of her captivated me. There I stood, hanging on to every word wondering what she would speak next, and she took me into a meditative trance almost instantaneously. She was sharing a spiritual awareness she was experiencing and without interruption or hesitation she spoke the following:
“Be still and know that I am God..
Be still and know that I am..
Be still and know that I...
Be still and know that…
Be still and know…
Be still and..
Be still..
Be.”

She spoke each line slowly, but without complete pause, to where I found myself for just maybe 30 seconds, in total and complete silence and stillness within me and connected to her and the life all around us. It had been years since I had felt that connected to myself and it was the very moment that stood out to me as the beginning of a new life. It, by no means, immediately healed or helped me escape the hell I had created inside and outside of me, but it reminded me that, if even for a few seconds, I hadn’t lost the capacity to connect and feel close to God and another person.

It has taken years for me to really grasp the power in that meditation, with each line calling out a distinct thought, pause, and reverence. As we can see with this meditation, before we get down to the most basic and simple statement: “be,” we are called to “be still.” Every human being, no matter how distracted, confused, or empty has what I believe is an eternal longing to just “be.” We have such frail, human ways to cry out for this-we beg our family or partners to just “love us as we are.” We spend much of our lives seeking and trying and praying to be accepted and “enough.”

Yet, what I believe is one of the most critical things we can do for ourselves-in order to heal, to awaken, to live fully-is to be still. It is in the stillness that we hear ourselves, but also that we can hear God. It is not enough to just be physically still. We must find ways to come into the reverent silence that cultural and religious noise often drowns out. In our darkest moments, in our weakest days, we can instantaneously embrace the sacred stillness that aches to be heard and known.

Our calm is only but a few slow breaths away, only but a half an hour of going within to honor our spirit’s calling…it doesn’t take much. We often blame our lack of intimacy with ourselves on not having enough time. I can assure you that once you have the taste of stillness and all the gifts it has to offer, you may find yourself saying you don’t have time for that television show, because you need to be still, instead.

I challenge you to be still...in order to find your soul’s deepest longing, to simply “be.”

Healing

It is without question that my words will never even come close to capturing the emotion, connection, and awareness that flood my being today. The season in which I have been going through in my life has been the most difficult, confusing, and uncertain place I have ever found myself in. I have literally wrestled with Light, with Darkness, and with myself. I have woken with panic attacks, slept with my eyes still feeling open through the loneliest nights, and wondered through the deepest pain if I will survive. My deepest fear has not been that I wouldn't survive, it has been that I would, but that I would be damaged and drained forever. I have been willing to run to doctors, to medicine, to therapists, to my lover, to friends, to the bottle, all in absolute terror that I simply could not live for one more day in the pain and emptiness my life seemed to always hand me.

And, then...something happened. It really happened. I stopped running. I stopped running to everyone, not just by not picking up the phone, but I emotionally and mentally and spiritually stopped running. And, instead of talking or crying or writing or DOING anything, I surrendered. If I had a nickel for every time throughout my life that I have prayed to God for help or landed on my knees in what I thought was surrender, I would be wealthy. No..this was different. This is different. It is not the act of getting on your knees that makes it surrender; it is the spirit letting go that makes the difference. You see, I know all of the movements that appear to be surrender. I can mimic being religious as good as any other person who grew up immersed in Church. Yet, I never intentionally "went through the motions." I have hungered to feel connected to God my entire life. But, for a very long time now, I was so angry and hurt by those who claimed to be followers of Christ, that I simply gave up on everything.

When I was 14 years old, a visiting pastor at our church called me out in a crowd of hundreds of people, and spoke something over my life. I wish that I had the recording, to hear each and every word tonight, but I destroyed it years ago as I felt I would never return to God. In essence, he said that I was called to do great things, but that it meant I would have to change some of my friends, some of my behaviors, to open up fully to the work set before me. I was in a crowd of people at the alter because he had been moved to have an "alter call" for people who had been sexually abused and carried the weight with them. With my legs shaking, I stepped out and walked up to that alter, for the first time admitting to myself, in a room full of people, that I needed help. In a perfect world, I would've walked up that night and been immediately healed from every scar and memory and given new eyes at which to see myself, but instead, I, of all people, received a powerful, loving message I have begun to remember like never before.

Instead of immediately receiving that message and feeling filled up inside, I grew weary through the years and desperately sought any means to alleviate my pain. It never ever worked. My story is such of the Prodigal Son. "I can do this on my own!" Yet, I am writing this now on my journey back home-back home to the Spirit that has never failed me. Today, that Spirit woke me up with the brightest sun beaming in my window-which would usually enrage me as I tried to sleep in. Instead, I could hear the Spirit's voice in me, calling for me to go outside and embrace the day set before me. So, with my book in hand, in what is none other than the most stunning, July day I have ever experienced in Florida, I sat by the water, reading about becoming God's best version of myself, and the wind enveloping my entire body.

You cannot possibly understand, for this is my journey, my emotion, my connection to myself and God...but I'm beginning to heal. Heal. The little girl who screamed and cried and could never find the love and help she was in need of is beginning to heal. The lost teenager who hated her body, her desires, her scars is beginning to heal. The grown woman who ran to empty bottles and empty relationships is beginning to heal. After spending so many years clinging to other people's stories of healing and awakening, hoping to find the answers to how to make it happen for me...I'm discovering...finally...that it's my story that holds the answers. I was made as a masterpiece of God...not the broken, dirty girl I thought I was. I have gifts that have only felt like burdens because I have not used them for the purpose in which they've been given. I'm just so grateful...so very grateful to have just a taste of the healing set before me.

And, just in case you were wondering...I will do those "great things" for which I'm called to do.

Revitalized

An inspired thought came to me today: you cannot be revitalized if you are anesthetized. Sometimes we're willing to be conscious of our attempts to numb ourselves, but all too often, we do it without even realizing it. It becomes so familiar to us, that we forget what it's like to truly feel. Yet, it is our very feelings which often signal to us a need we have-for change, for silence, for joy, for anything.

I've spent most of my life trying to dull down the feelings in me-for so many reasons-but ultimately, because I wanted to stop hurting. The pain never seemed to go away. And, as unbelievable as it might seem, it has only been until very recently that I'm coming to terms with the fact that you simply cannot wish or numb pain away. I've called myself an "addict" when I went to meetings. I've been quick to throw many labels on myself through the years, when in all actuality, the only label that fits is "human." I'm human and in all of my frailties and ill attempts at existing with what I thought was a crappy deal I got handed in life, the pain never went away.

I have used what could be pleasures in life-food, money, love, lust, margaritas...to simply keep the pain a little more at bay. Pleasures are meant to be savored and honored for their purpose-not abused to fill a void or numb a pain they could never possibly relieve. It sounds so simple, but when you've been managing your pain, rather than releasing it, it is hell.

I believe that there is only one way to be revitalized...and that is to no longer anesthetize ourselves to whatever needs healing. So, while the in-between of pain and healing is an uncomfortable, and often, scary place to be...the promise it holds is that I am on my way forward, no matter how many baby steps it takes. And, when you really stop looking back with sorrow or looking forward with fear, you create a space to connect to all that truly matters...the very moment you are in.

Look Within

Never allow your perceived position to dictate your ambition. All of us, at one time or another, have felt that we were up against insurmountable odds. In moments of deep struggle, it can be difficult to hold on tight to our faith, strength, and ambition...yet they are they very things we need to see us through to the "other side." No matter how far down you may feel you are, never allow your position to discredit your power-your innate ability to overcome.

I believe that just as we look down and see the ants hard at work, so too, does God look down at us with such a perspective. He can see far beyond all we can, and while from our position and perspective, our circumstances may look grim, He is able to see that which we simply cannot grasp. Yet, unlike the ants who do not know there is anything greater amongst them...we are given the keen ability to reach out and ask for guidance to see with new eyes that which we are walking through. A change in perspective changes everything.

So, when things appear overwhelming...stop looking down...stop looking up...and choose instead, to look within...for all the strength you need is found there.

We Are What We Think

They say that the human brain produces approximately 70,000 thoughts every day. Maybe one of the most important concepts that I am just beginning to understand is that our thoughts are central to every outcome we experience-our well-being literally depends on them. You don't have to believe me. Research it for yourself.

The truth is that absolutely nothing that happens in our entire lives has a specific meaning to it. Our perception dictates our interpretation of every moment of our existence. It is no more correct to say that something is "good" than "bad." Everything and everyone just IS , and how we choose to perceive their mere existence inevitably determines our mere existene, as well. For those of us who have not been raised or accustomed to "positive thinking," this may seem far-fetched. We can all pin-point moments where we'd defend-"No..NOTHING about THAT was good." Yet, it is our perception and denial or refusal to find anything good that determines such an outcome. This is not about burying your head in the sand and pretending things do not hurt or cause us to struggle. Yet, how we perceive such pain and struggle is vital to our continued success and health.

Many religions and health practioners insist that our thoughts dictate our being, but it seems easier said than done to change habitual negativity. So, if you find that, like me, things have been "half empty" for far too long, I urge you to develop new habits of thinking. You could start with a simple exercise. Take a piece of paper and write 10 things about yourself or your experiences that you've felt are negative. Then, beside each one, force yourself to perceive it differently. Was there something you learned from it? Is there an unlearned lesson that you could glean from it now? There is ALWAYS something positive to find, and I promise you, you will save yourself and those around you much sorrow to begin sifting through the negativity and pain, to find solace and enlightenment.

Your very health and life depends on this.

What Have We Become?

This blog post is not for the faint of heart. I'm fed up...and you should be too. Tomorrow morning we will all awaken to hear one of the top news headlines be that the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is within reach. Pastors will preach about it this weekend. Politicians will debate and defend their votes. The gay community will cheer and await in uncertainty about whether this means we are a little more respected. We'll all have an opinion. But, this isn't really a blog about gays. You see, you're all entitled to your belief about us, and we, in turn, are entitled to our opinions about your beliefs. What this blog is really about is the larger message that I believe we, as a people, are missing.

Attached to this policy reform is a $700 billion defense spending bill. And, I have a question for all of the conservative, Christians I've heard comments from all day. How do you reconcile supporting the funding of an institution whose SOLE purpose is to kill people? I know...we have fuzzy ways to not call it that. We call it "defense," "necessities of freedom," "vengence." But, words, no matter how wattered down, cannot water down Truth. The truth is over 100,000 Iraqi CIVILIANS have been killed since we started this war more than seven years ago. It makes no sense to me how the same political party that is in complete allegiance to protecting life through banning abortion also raise their flag proudly defending the taking of life in other countries. It's black and white. Either you embrace and support the protection of life or you don't. You cannot simultaneously be pro-life and pro-war. They are the antithesis of one another.

Let's go even further. This same political party has raised hell over the same social issues for decades-abortion, gay rights, military, and economic conservatism. So, it's no wonder when the most liberal president begins signing enormous spending bills, they are up in arms. Except...it is a little confusing for those of us who pay attention. First, the war in Iraq has already cost us over $3 trillion. Second, President Bush put this country into $5 trillion of debt during the life of his presidency. Where were all of the economic conservatives who are just now revolting against national spending? Third, this party fights to protect life but also is infuriated when the President finally says we are going to pay for health care to be available for all Americans to SUSTAIN life, because it's going to cost "too much." So...we want to protect life but don't want to pay for it? And, we supposedly want to protect life, but we will gladly support paying for other nations to lose their lives? Am I the only one confused? And, while my sarcasm may be a little extreme since I've had it with the hypocrisy, this is a very serious problem that I don't think many of them actually spend deep time considering.

So..who would Jesus bomb? When he was nailed to that cross, he was not telling his disciples to go grab the closest rocks they could and stone the soldiers who were crucifying him. Yet, this is exactly the attitude too many Christians have today, and it's appauling. Stop calling yourselves Christians, because Christ never once embodied vengence. The greatest leaders that we teach our children about all had very common teachings and practices-nonviolence, love, and forgiveness. Jesus Christ, Martin Luther King, Jr., Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, and these are just a few.

Violence propogates violence. Hatred breeds further hatred. We have thrown God's name on our bombs and our money and failed to heed to the true message of Christ by doing so. It is not the gays who are a measure of how far this country has drifted from its Christian roots. It is the many Christians themselves, who support the propogation of the antithesis of Christ's teachings and actually believe they are doing God's work.

Call me liberal. Call me angry. Call me anything that helps comfort you if you do not agree, but I will be laying my head down tonight knowing that policies may come and go, but Christ's message we will be eternally responsible for upholding or destroying. So, I ask you again, Who Would Jesus Bomb?

Rebirth

Today, I made a trip to the bookstore with only one book in mind that I knew I needed-a Bible. I walked out of the store with four books instead, knowing full well if anyone saw my stack they'd for sure be thinking, "That girl is going through some things." I definitely am, but I guess the important words are "going through," even though lately it's felt more like crawling and scraping through.

"20 Something, 20 Everything" is an amazing book and I'm so grateful that I was able to discover it. Have you ever had a book that you know without a doubt was written for you? That someone knows exactly what you're feeling and going through? Any woman who is in their 20s or early 30s and feels that they are going through a quarter-life crisis needs to pick this book up. So, what's a quarter-life crisis? One definition is-"feelings of confusion, anxiety, and self-doubt experienced by some people in their 20s, especially after graduation." Within the first few pages of this book, you'll know if it's for you.

As women, our generation is experiencing life very differently than our mothers in many distinct ways. We have greater freedom, yet greater burdens that come with the society and limitless choices we are faced with, and we are navigating through it all without much of a roadmap. We have to find our answers within ourselves and while this can feel very lonely, it's necessary if we are to succssfully transition from adolescence to adulthood. *sigh* If only the process were as simple as the prose about it can be. There are 3 questions this book insists most of us experiencing this crisis are trying and need to answer: "Who am I? What do I want? How do I get what I want?"

I am beginning my journey to discover the answers to those questions and I am certain not everyone in my life will understand or agree with whatever they may be. I already feel a stirring in me about things that no one would have probably ever expected out of me, but isn't that the joy of self-discovery? Finally knowing who you are, what enlivens and sustains you, without the guidance, influence, or approval of anyone else? An awakening is beginning...a rebirth is in the works...and I will survive these labor pains.

Truth

I was blessed to grow up with parents who always afforded us the space and sanctuary to be true-to ourselves, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and fears. We talked constantly about what was real-no matter how messy or painful it might be. It taught me, without me even realizing it, how to live authentically. I was the child who was willing to fight-for justice, truth, change, no matter how uncomfortable or inappopriate anyone thought it was. In essence, living and demanding raw honesty was part of my very being. As a teenager, I remember saying that something as simple as looking someone in the eyes to communicate signifies authentic dialogue. If someone couldn't look me in the eyes, I knew something was wrong.

Now, I struggle to look people in the eyes, for fear that if I do, they will see right through all I've tried so hard to keep hidden inside. For years, I've carried the heaviest burdens I never thought I would bear...the burdens of half-truths, twisted lies, and nearly choking them down trying to accept them for the sake of "love." Living lies, whether your own or someone else's, is unbearably painful...slowly robbing you of your Voice, your Truth, your Essence. For some, they carry their burdens to the grave...but it feels that if I silence myself, my Truth, for one more day, I will surely be in the grave prematurely.

I believe we are all called to live in the light of Truth and that anything less promises only darkness. Sometimes, truth requires loss, pain, or a dismantling of our comfort, but it always carries the promise of freedom. They say depression is anger repressed. They say don't let the sun go down upon your wrath. For six years, I have truly tried to do so...only to never feel resolution. The sun will rise again tomorrow...and I will release my Truth...every day...to heal, to grieve, and to liberate the girl in me who was raised to expect and provide nothing less than the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so HELP ME GOD...

Jasmine

There is no other loss greater in one's life than death to make you look back and wish you could undo what's been done. Death robs us of the space to share face-to-face all that we should have and did not. Eight years ago this month, I was looking at high school graduation on the horizon and all of the hopes and dreams each 18 year old holds. A month later, I found myself at the hospital bedside of one of my dear, childhood best friends. She couldn't speak to me. I never heard her voice again, but I've always hoped she heard mine. I sang to her. I prayed for her. I told her how much I loved her and was sorry I ever pulled away from our friendship. I walked out the door with the hope that like I told her, we would see each other soon. When the call came that she had died...I fell to the ground...my knees unable to hold the massive weight of pain that rushed over me. A year later, I found myself driving to her old house and just sitting outside crying. I looked at the roof we and her brother would climb up on, the windows opening to the bedrooms where some of my fondest memories of "family" were spent.

I still think of her often...but lately...she's been on my mind a lot-in my dreams, my memories, and I have refused to believe any longer that death is the final separation. You see, I had cleaned out my closet recently and found a stuffed bunny that I couldn't remember where I'd gotten it from. I placed it in my room and continued to search for when it was given to me. When I fell asleep that night, Jasmine was in my dreams. When I awoke..I remembered..the bunny was hers and given to me after she passed. Her spirit is alive. Every spirit is alive. And, I continue to talk to her, sing to her, and tell her I'll see her soon.

Jasmine, I love you, friend. Each time I hear this song, you know I think of you, cry, and send my love up to your spirit in the sky. I've changed the words to how I sing them to you. Thank you for finding me.

"Empty Garden"-Elton John, for John Lennon
What happened here
As the New York sunset disappeared
I found an empty garden among the flagstones there
Who lived here
She must have been a gardener that cared a lot
Who weeded out the tears and grew a good crop
And now it all looks strange
It's funny how one insect can damage so much grain
And what's it for
This little empty garden by the brownstone door
And in the cracks along the sidewalk nothing grows no more
Who lived here
She must have been a gardener that cared a lot
Who weeded out the tears and grew a good crop
And we are so amazed we're crippled and we're dazed
A gardener like that one no one can replace

And I've been knocking but no one answers
And I've been knocking most all the day
Oh and I've been calling oh hey hey Jasmine
Can't you come out to play

And through their tears
Some say she farmed her best in younger years
But she'd have said that roots grow stronger if only she could hear
Who lived there
She must have been a gardener that cared a lot
Who weeded out the tears and grew a good crop
Now we pray for rain, and with every drop that falls
We hear, we hear your name

And I've been knocking but no one answers
And I've been knocking most all the day
Oh and I've been calling oh hey hey Jasmine
Can't you come out to play

Jasmine can't you come out to play in your empty garden

Breakdown or Breakthrough...

You cannot run from who you are..
You cannot run from who you've been..
Everything outside will fail to heal
All the pain that lies within.
This is my reflection..
tattered and worn through all the years
but I will rise again to find my direction
and break through all these dreadful fears.

Breakdown or breakthrough...it's only up to you.

Open Your Mind

I was driving this weekend and passed by a church with a sign that said the following: "Do not open your mind too much, or you might lose it." I didn't have my camera on me or I would've whipped the car around to take a picture of something I believed was an awful message to tell your congregation or the public. While maybe not in such an extreme way, I have found that many religious people express similar sentiments, as they've listened to my belief system or journey through finding one in my life. My grandmother comes to mind. But, I was born with an open mind. I believe we all are. And, I also believe that while children may need guidance through their life to protect them, they also have innate gifts of knowing that we all can learn from. I was saddened to think about the children in that church and the messages of fearing free thought that they might be receiving.

As someone going through many changes in my life, I have to admit that at times I take in more information, from more sources, than maybe I should. At times, I'm in a frantic attempt to find answers that simply may not be meant for me to find yet. Patience, listening, waiting are all necessary but incredibly difficult when we're in turmoil. I'd like to remind you that while we may all have different ways of finding our truth, our voice, our spirit, please be kind when other's use different methods of seeking than you do. Meditate. Pray. Write. Sing. Dance. Paint. Cry. Do whatever you feel called and moved to do through your life in order to discover your deep connection to humanity and creation. Remember to have compassion on those who try to steer you in the direction that worked for them, and know that they mean well...usually.

If you find that you, too, are seeking answers...may this message provide you some peace: "I beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer..." -Rainer Maria Rilke

Breathe.

Sometimes...
you
have
to
remind
yourself
to
do
the
only
thing
you
can
do...
breathe.

Defining Love

All of us need to love and be loved, but in this world it can be very confusing and painful to learn how to love and receive it. From self help books to reality tv shows, everyone has their own ways to define and determine what love is. No matter what I've ever read, seen, or experienced, there is only one place and one definition of love that I know is true. If you find yourself in the painstaking assessment of how well you've loved or have been loved, this message is also for you.

While we spend our lives learning how to love deeper, may we never forget its true measure: If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Crockpots & Cameras

I bought a crockpot and a camera today-two things I've never personally owned before. Thanks to some friends who care about me, as well as my need to do some creative things with my time, the purchases were made. No big deal, right? Well, for me, it was. You see, I have never been real good at taking care of myself before, and one way or another, it does catch up to you. The poor diet, the stress...they will stop you in your tracks, if you don't heed their many warnings. I, of course, being so smart and determined to do things "my way"...didn't listen to the warnings. And, you better believe reality snuck up on me and BAM!! Wake up calls arrived.

So, it's time for me to be healthy, to cook at home, to learn new recipes, and to accept the fact that no one will ensure I am healthy and well but myself. The camera is from a whisper inside of me telling me that I need to slow down and really SEE how many amazing things are in this world. Like this morning..this puddle of water was just dancing infront of me from tiny raindrops falling into it. Or the brightest pink I've ever seen in my neighbor's flower pot. Noticing lots of little beauties all around us can add up to a big appreciation for being a part of such creations.

So, what's your body and soul crying out for you to do? What tiny steps can you take now that can add up to a lifetime of a better journey? You might be surprised at how seemingly insignificant things can end up having such significant inspiration.

The Mesmerizing Dawn

This morning, like many mornings, I found myself in an altered state of consciousness-somewhere between sleeping and awakening. I don't know about you, but for me, it's a place where if I listen closely enough, there is a tiny whisper deep within me. I experience a deeper awareness about my life than I do once I fully awaken. Some people insist that this is almost a meditative place that we all naturally experience-a place where we are much more in tune with our spirit, mind, god, or the Universe. Because we have kids, have slept in, or a million other distractions that find us upon awakening, we can easily miss this extraordinary experience with our higher selves.

The language spoken within the soul simply can't be translated easily. Receiving messages from within is almost like telling someone a crazy dream you had. In that dream, everything seemed to make sense-the sequence of events wasn't confusing-but as soon as you grab your friend or partner and start to explain it, it can be challenging. We usually substitute what was understanding in our dream for explanations like "I don't know how to explain it now, it was 'weird'." The experience made sense in our dream mind, but not our conscious one. Soul messages are often the same.

My soul was telling me in my altered state of consciousness things I cannot easily explain, for my words could never do it justice. In essence, it was the knowing that every day we awaken to this world in which we may feel so scared or overwhelmed in, we can truly decide to change the way we live. While we may take it for granted, human beings have only begun to operate on auto-pilot going a million miles an hour in the last century or so. We hadn't always lived this way.

So, if you find you are bogged down by stress, make it a habit to not jump out of bed in the morning. Awaken slowly. Listen carefully. Your soul has many things it wants to tell you.