Truth

I was blessed to grow up with parents who always afforded us the space and sanctuary to be true-to ourselves, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and fears. We talked constantly about what was real-no matter how messy or painful it might be. It taught me, without me even realizing it, how to live authentically. I was the child who was willing to fight-for justice, truth, change, no matter how uncomfortable or inappopriate anyone thought it was. In essence, living and demanding raw honesty was part of my very being. As a teenager, I remember saying that something as simple as looking someone in the eyes to communicate signifies authentic dialogue. If someone couldn't look me in the eyes, I knew something was wrong.

Now, I struggle to look people in the eyes, for fear that if I do, they will see right through all I've tried so hard to keep hidden inside. For years, I've carried the heaviest burdens I never thought I would bear...the burdens of half-truths, twisted lies, and nearly choking them down trying to accept them for the sake of "love." Living lies, whether your own or someone else's, is unbearably painful...slowly robbing you of your Voice, your Truth, your Essence. For some, they carry their burdens to the grave...but it feels that if I silence myself, my Truth, for one more day, I will surely be in the grave prematurely.

I believe we are all called to live in the light of Truth and that anything less promises only darkness. Sometimes, truth requires loss, pain, or a dismantling of our comfort, but it always carries the promise of freedom. They say depression is anger repressed. They say don't let the sun go down upon your wrath. For six years, I have truly tried to do so...only to never feel resolution. The sun will rise again tomorrow...and I will release my Truth...every day...to heal, to grieve, and to liberate the girl in me who was raised to expect and provide nothing less than the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so HELP ME GOD...