Jasmine

There is no other loss greater in one's life than death to make you look back and wish you could undo what's been done. Death robs us of the space to share face-to-face all that we should have and did not. Eight years ago this month, I was looking at high school graduation on the horizon and all of the hopes and dreams each 18 year old holds. A month later, I found myself at the hospital bedside of one of my dear, childhood best friends. She couldn't speak to me. I never heard her voice again, but I've always hoped she heard mine. I sang to her. I prayed for her. I told her how much I loved her and was sorry I ever pulled away from our friendship. I walked out the door with the hope that like I told her, we would see each other soon. When the call came that she had died...I fell to the ground...my knees unable to hold the massive weight of pain that rushed over me. A year later, I found myself driving to her old house and just sitting outside crying. I looked at the roof we and her brother would climb up on, the windows opening to the bedrooms where some of my fondest memories of "family" were spent.

I still think of her often...but lately...she's been on my mind a lot-in my dreams, my memories, and I have refused to believe any longer that death is the final separation. You see, I had cleaned out my closet recently and found a stuffed bunny that I couldn't remember where I'd gotten it from. I placed it in my room and continued to search for when it was given to me. When I fell asleep that night, Jasmine was in my dreams. When I awoke..I remembered..the bunny was hers and given to me after she passed. Her spirit is alive. Every spirit is alive. And, I continue to talk to her, sing to her, and tell her I'll see her soon.

Jasmine, I love you, friend. Each time I hear this song, you know I think of you, cry, and send my love up to your spirit in the sky. I've changed the words to how I sing them to you. Thank you for finding me.

"Empty Garden"-Elton John, for John Lennon
What happened here
As the New York sunset disappeared
I found an empty garden among the flagstones there
Who lived here
She must have been a gardener that cared a lot
Who weeded out the tears and grew a good crop
And now it all looks strange
It's funny how one insect can damage so much grain
And what's it for
This little empty garden by the brownstone door
And in the cracks along the sidewalk nothing grows no more
Who lived here
She must have been a gardener that cared a lot
Who weeded out the tears and grew a good crop
And we are so amazed we're crippled and we're dazed
A gardener like that one no one can replace

And I've been knocking but no one answers
And I've been knocking most all the day
Oh and I've been calling oh hey hey Jasmine
Can't you come out to play

And through their tears
Some say she farmed her best in younger years
But she'd have said that roots grow stronger if only she could hear
Who lived there
She must have been a gardener that cared a lot
Who weeded out the tears and grew a good crop
Now we pray for rain, and with every drop that falls
We hear, we hear your name

And I've been knocking but no one answers
And I've been knocking most all the day
Oh and I've been calling oh hey hey Jasmine
Can't you come out to play

Jasmine can't you come out to play in your empty garden